I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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