I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
