Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
