Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
He had one of those small greek statue penises
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
