i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
