So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
then he tried to convert me to islam
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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