ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
