I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
