My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
