Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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