She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
