my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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