I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
