No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
