So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
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