A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
