well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
