It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
