That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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