I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
