just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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