did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
