she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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