Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
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were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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