Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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