could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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