So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Randomize
