Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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