five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
In America we eat man semen.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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