you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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