I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
