she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
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I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
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Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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