either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
