Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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