That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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