she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You made out with two different species that night
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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