So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
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All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
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we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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