have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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