Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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