party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
