you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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