I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
