yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
