I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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