Moan for me like Helen Keller
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
When are your genitals available?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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