he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
