I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
