i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
