why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
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you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
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I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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