i think my tv is drunk
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going