I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
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In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
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Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.