sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse