hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.