Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
