SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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