At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk