Is that why you're texting me
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS