Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
