shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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