Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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