Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
