I just saw a hot homeless man
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
