The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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