I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
