Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
