There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
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