yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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