Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
