Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
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