Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
