nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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