i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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