I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
