Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
