i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
