Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize