Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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