I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I touched a dick in church today
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
