I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
