it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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