everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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