What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
