I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
