i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
The ass gains better be worth it
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