Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
