I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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