My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
