Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
