you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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