my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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